How to Solve the American Crime Problem
by Jim Farrar
Any person who has spent any amount of time in America’s larger cities knows of the danger that has become an intrinsic part of the American central city: unlimited and uncontrolled crime. As our streets have become a jungle of criminals, unsafe for any honest citizen to traverse alone, and all other methods of prevention and punishment have failed, let me suggest a plan which will certainly become the panacea for this particular social ill: a mandatory death sentence for all criminals convicted of any crime against our society, traffic violations excluded, of course.
Not only will the proposal eliminate the need for prisons, (punishment in this fashion doesn’t work) rehabilitation centers, (criminal deviants shouldn’t be rehabilitated – who has time for it, anyway?), and parole boards, but it will also reduce the number of criminals on the street, since none will after having been convicted, be returning to the street.
Each individual state economy will be greatly enhanced by the inevitable increase in executions. Since each state has the option to determine how each man is to be executed, it is almost certain that prisoners will be eliminated by a means which will utilize that particular state’s natural resources. For example, prisoners in Idaho can be hung from gallows made from white pine; Nevada inmates will be destroyed in an electric chair with power supplied from Hoover dam; and prisoners in Pennsylvania will be beheaded by a guillotine made of shining stainless steel.
Of course there are cry-babies who will protest such a measure of eradicating crime. No doubt the ACLU will disapprove. But is there any other alternative but to eliminate the criminal from out midst once and for all? It is the only easy method, for who has the time to study the central city and find any possible preventative measures. And who has the time to work with the people already cluttering up our prisons? Who has the time to try to make these people productive and happy members of our society? No, my friend, don’t talk to me about such solutions when such an efficient answer to our problem is staring us in the face.